Existential Crisis – Hot Dog Version

Existential Crisis – Hot Dog Version

Existential crises – we all had them or we still have them.

Knowing we’re not alone is something that can ease the pain. As Schopenhauer said, we feel better when we see others suffering. So, let’s look at these suffering hot dogs to take our minds of our pitiful state and feel better!

Help! I’m suffocating in existential horror!

First, I was born blind, deaf, and mute. Then my creators carved out my eyes and my mouth. They gave me brain surgery to give me back my hearing (you can see the scars on top of my head) but they failed.

Then they sent me to the Stinky Macaroni spa. This is a picture from there! The horror!

But the biggest horror of all is not that I’m ugly but the fact that I will die ugly, alone, and soon, not knowing what this was all about!

Existential crises hot dog in horror
Oh, Hot Dog mother – why did you bring me into this world?

We look happy but we’ve been dead for long and now we are ghosts, condemned to smile in eternity!

Think about it! How can we be happy in a bed of boiled onions and tomatoes?

We had a short and painful life, like all the creatures that came into existence. We are all identical twins, so imagine that horror!

Our mother hated us because she always had to buy us the same clothes, you know, like with all the twins, but it was too many pieces of the same clothes and she couldn’t really manage in a small town where we lived.

She wanted one hot dog baby and there were nine of us (one brother was sold into slavery). She had to become a hot dog prostitute so we would live… And end up boiled in a hot dog soup.

We are the ghosts of your dead dreams

It’s not worth the bother of killing yourself, since you always kill yourself too late

When you are a hot dog from Romania, you don’t have much choice but to think unhappy thoughts. And overall a hot dog from Romania and a philosopher! What a combo. An existential crisis is sure coming your way!

Famous for books – The Trouble with Being Born, A Short History of Decay, The Temptation to Exist.

Famous Quote: The desire to die was my one and only concern; to it I have sacrificed everything, even death.

Cut off our heads, bake us in the cheese lava, we don’t care anymore!

We had our band. We played wonderful music. But then, Hot Dog Hitler was born and… Well, this is how we ended!

It will all be over soon, anyway!

By all evidence we are in the world to do nothing.

Singing my sad song… It doesn’t help in healing my broken heart

Under the sea
Under the sea
We drown in our dread
We eat all our dead
Take it from me

Up on the shore, we work all day
Out in the sun we slave away

Under the sea
Under the sea

Life is a constant process of dying

We were born – god knows where. Our mother left us to the bees to raise us. All childhood we had to pretend we are bees. We were the laughing stock of the bee community. They disguised us to look like them, gave us fake wings, and made us collect pollen, which we were allergic to. We collected it alright. Do our damn job. Do it right. Then we had to french kiss the bees for god knows what reason. We did it. We did it. We paid the man’s price. The worst part was when some dog would smell our sweet hot dog flesh. He would chase us and we would cry. Now, we are chopped up and put in boiling oil. No more existential crisis for us.

Maybe the madman can help?

I would like to go mad on one condition, namely, that I would become a happy madman, lively and always in a good mood, without any troubles and obsessions, laughing senselessly from morning to night.

There’s no hope…

3 COMMENTS

    • The story of sad hot dogs is a never ending story… We are currently working on an interview with the father of a small hot dog trapped in the basement by his evil grandfather. It’s really a horrible story!

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