Buy me a house and get your name tattooed on my butt ($340,000)

Description

Help me by giving me my own home so I can write these disgusting posts full-time. I need peace and the neighboring families are really loud. My cats have PTSDs, all 3 of them!

In return, you will get:

• Your name tattooed on my butt (the name is limited to 40 characters, titles included)
• Three infinities of prayers to the Gods of Cursed Food performed by an apostate Christian theologian.
• My gratitude for 17 eternities (I will dream of you, probably every other night or so even after the heat death of the universe).
• A t-shirt made out of cat hair that says “don’t ask me how I got this t-shirt, but it did cost a bit too much”